How to turn your average American girl into a Japanese dancer:

1) Take straight, blonde hair and add black fluff balls. Brush said hair over fluff balls and cover with enough hairspray to make a small hole in the ozone. Continue ratting, rolling, scraping, and hairspraying for 30 minutes.

(Please note the hairdresser's huge mullet! This did not fill me with confidence; in fact, my feelings could best be described as nonplussed.)

2) With hair complete, move on to make up. First, thoroughly de-oil face, neck, and arms so make up has clean surface to stick to. Apply base foundation so these same body parts. Paint on white make up as well, making sure no hint of actual skin color shows throuogh. Add black eye liner, black eye brow pencil, and red eyeshadow to appropriate areas on the face. No mascara or lipstick yet though... that comes AFTER dressing, if you please!

3) Move on to dressing station. Catch a glimpse of a ghost in the mirror and almost scream until thinking, "Wait a sec, that's me! Eeeeek!" Stand still while two lovely old ladies wrap you with random towels, cloths, and various undergarments. Keep your confusion over this process to yourself ; however, as you cannot figure out how to say, "Why!? Why are you bundling me up so much that I can barely move let alone dance?!" in Japanese. Once the various layers of kimono are on and the obi tightened, quickly learn a new style of breathing as your ribs are now severely contricted. Wonder to yourself how people used to wear these things every day. Continue to ponder this notion for a while as there is now nothing to do except wait for make up to be finished.

The pic on the left is from dress rehearsal, thus the lack of make up. On the right you have scary, ghost-like moi! OOoooOOOoooOOOoooo!!!

4) Wait. Wait. Wait a bit more. Finally track down your teacher and ask about the rest of your make up. Wait a bit longer and finally get lipstick and mascara applied! Briefly feel relief that everything is put together until realizing that it's only 10:30 AM. You have been wearing this kimono for just over an hour already and you don't go on stage until 1:05 PM. Consider crying before rejecting the idea because it would ruin your make up. Try to look for the silver lining in this tight, hard to breath in cloud.... ah HA! My posture is great! Look at how straight I'm sitting! Nary a slouch in sight! Go me!

5) Try to use the time before you perform constructively... or at least keep busy so you don't focus on how tight the freaking obi is. Practice your dance a couple of times, gush over how cute your students are, take pictures as other gaijin transform into lovely Japanese dancers. Momentarily curse the obi when lunch time roles around and you realize eating is impossible but brighten up again after realizing lunch time means you only have to wear this for another hour. Yutta!!

6) La, la, la, la, la. Almost time now! Wait a minute. I'm supposed to be on stage in 1o minutes!? What about the hat!? There's a hat with this costume! Mass panic insues as Sakaguchi-sensei cannot be found and no one else seems to know how to put the damn hat on. All hope seems lost until, like magic, Sakaguchi-sensei appears. The hat is put on, along with various flower things, you rush out the door and BAM! Performance time!

7) Post-performance. Ahhhh, what a relief. Now let's take some pics before this all comes off. 3 1/2 hours of wearing this kimono is enough, thank you kindly!

On the left: my friend, Erin, and I dressed as lovely Japanese ladies.

On the right: my poor squished face. It looked better on stage! Luckily, this was only a dance... talking was impossible!